Where the Work Actually Begins
My work starts long before I ever pick up the camera.
That's probably why I wanted to start this journal in the first place. I don't leave a session with just new photographs, I leave with thoughts. Some of them come to me mid-session, some on the drive home. Small observations that, over time, turn into something I've learned. I wanted a place to share them. Not to teach anyone anything. Just because I've been lucky enough to become part of hundreds of family stories, and each one left something behind.
Not long ago, a family reached out while they were already on vacation here in San Diego. That happens more often than you'd think, people come to relax, spend a few days walking by the ocean, and somewhere in the middle of it all, they think "I want to hold onto this"
Not Because I Need Perfect. Because I Need Calm.
While we were preparing, we talked about outfits, like I always do. But for me, that part was never really about fashion.
I ask what time the kids usually go to bed. Whether there's a nap in the middle of the day. What helps them feel settled. We talk through the location, the mood, what they're hoping for. And yes, the clothes too.
Not because I need perfect photos.
Because I need a calm mom.
Over the years I've noticed something, kids are remarkably tuned in to how their parents feel. If mom is stressed, rushing, or unsure of herself, the kids almost always feel it too, and start to mirror it. So before the session even begins, my real job is helping mom exhale.
A Small Recommendation, Nothing More
Once we got to outfits, it turned out that everything this family had packed was chosen for a vacation, not a photo session. Which makes complete sense, they hadn't planned this in advance.
I looked at a few photos of what they'd brought and realized I could offer one small suggestion. Just a suggestion.
I never ask families to buy new clothes. And I never think a good photo is worth trading for a relaxed vacation. If a recommendation creates more stress than it solves, it isn't worth making.
But if a small adjustment makes things easier, and helps the photos feel a little more harmonious, I'll always offer it.
So I looked up their hotel, found the nearest Zara, sent mom the address, and pulled together a few outfit ideas, colors, combinations, nothing complicated. I just didn't want her spending her vacation second-guessing it.
A little while later, she wrote back to say she'd gone and picked something up.
The Evening We Met
That evening, I met the family for their session.
They looked exactly the way I'd pictured, not because of the new clothes, but because everything about them felt easy. Nothing was pulling focus away from what actually mattered: their smiles, the way they held each other, how they looked at one another.
At the start of the session, I asked with a smile, "So, are we being extra careful with the outfits today? Taking them back to the store after?"
Mom laughed. "Honestly, that was the plan. But my husband said he looks too good in this, so now we're definitely keeping it."
We both laughed, and that was the moment the last bit of tension disappeared.
Why I Love Soft, Quiet Colors
People ask me sometimes why I'm drawn to calm, soft tones for family sessions.
The answer is simple: when an outfit doesn't compete for attention with bright colors, bold prints, or logos, the photograph starts telling a different story.
You stop noticing the dress. The shirt. The brand.
You start noticing how dad looks at his kids. How mom is holding a small hand. How a child laughs so honestly that you can't help but smile back.
The emotion becomes the main character of the photograph, not the outfit.
A Few Small Things That Help
Check what's near your hotel. If you're only in San Diego for a few days, a simple outfit is closer than you'd think. Tell me where you're staying, and I'm happy to send a few nearby options.
Pick one calm tone per person. Soft neutrals, warm beige, muted blue, anything that won't compete with your faces once we're out by the water.
Skip big logos and prints. They tend to pull the eye away from what the photo is actually about.
Bring a backup, just in case. Not for the photos, for the moment your youngest decides this is the day for chocolate ice cream.
What I'm Really Asking For
It's never really about the outfit.
What I'm working toward, every time, is a calm mom, because when she can exhale, the whole family follows. And that's when I get to notice what actually matters.
So today I'll leave one small recommendation for any family heading somewhere new: pack one simple outfit in soft, calm tones for each person, even if a photo session isn't on the plan.
You may never wear it. Or maybe, one evening, you'll want to hold onto the day a little longer, and everything you need will already be right there.
If dad usually takes a bit more convincing than mom, this one's for him: How to Help Dad Enjoy a Photo Session.
Warmly, Ellen
